It’s Take Your Kid To Work Day! A #TBT Story

It’s Take Your Kid To Work Day! A #TBT Story

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Photo credit: Huffington Post

When I was about 4 or 5 (the age my daughter is now) my dad took me to work with him for one day during my Christmas break from school. It’s something I will never forget because it forever changed how I perceived my dad, as a person.

At that age I remember thinking that my dad was the tallest, strongest and smartest person on the planet. Literally. Like literally there was nobody who surpassed his height, nobody who could lift as much as he could and nobody who could possibly know as much stuff as he knew. Superman.

I was also the little jerk on the playground who would share this information with the other kids in a “my Dad is better than your dad” kind of way. That same year I got in trouble for telling everyone there was no Santa Clause making a room full of five-year-olds cry. Telling people the hard truth seemed to be my thing from an early age.

Then, on that one day in December, I distinctly remember leaving my dad’s office. He put me in the car only he had forgotten something and had to run back inside leaving me to wait. (Back then it was okay to leave your small child in the car alone. Seat belts were also only a suggestion. I’m not sure how we all survived.) A few minutes later my dad returned, a smile on his face as he happily chatted away with a very nice co-worker of his who happened to be about fifteen (exaggerated) feet tall.

*Boom*

What the what? How can that BE?

The whole thing was all very movie-esque as you would expect. The ground was wet from the rain and the whole thing seemed to happen in slow motion. Seems I was a dramatic child from a very young age.

If that guy is taller than my dad then maybe he is NOT the tallest man ever. And if he’s not the tallest than he may not be the strongest…and what about the smartest?!?!

My 4-ish years on the planet were a lie.

I laugh about it now and it’s a funny story to tell but I remember being so upset about it at the time.

Now although my dad is tall, strong and smart he is none of these to the extent that I would take on a kindergardener to prove my point but he’s those things enough and then some.

So on this Take Your Son or Daughter To Work Day I hope you get an opportunity to show your child what it is you do all day to make their life as great as it is while, hopefully, not irreparably scarring them for the rest of their lives. Otherwise known as Thursday in my house.

someecards

Photo credit: Someecards.com

 

PS, I’m in totally catch-up mode with the blog right now. But trust me, you don’t want to miss what’s coming up about our first trip to Disneyland, Audrey’s birthday and that one time my husband found Audrey petting a dead mouse. Stay tuned…

 

 

Trying to make people: The OVACUE how-to!

Trying to make people: The OVACUE how-to!

ovacue-logo-web

Almost two years ago we started on the journey towards having another child, and like most people, we thought it would be a snap. All we would need to do was to actively stop trying to not have a baby and we would be set. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am, here you go. But yet, two years later we are still baby free.

It seems, despite what every Trojan commercial and MTV says, it it quite difficult to get pregnant…well for me and my 37 year old ovaries it is. Seriously, I got nothing. My uterus is like a seashell but instead of hearing the ocean you put your ear up to my belly and hear crickets. But apparently there is a science to all this and it’s all about timing. Before I had no idea when I was supposed to ovulate, just that I did. Now, like every other woman in my situation, I could teach a class on the female reproductive system and cycle. Let me put it to you this way, if there were a Jeopardy catagory about cervical mucus, I would own that shit.

As you know (or if you haven’t been keeping up- are about to find out) we had a miscarriage back in August of 2012. After that terrible ordeal we enlisted the help of some awesome OB-GYNs to see if there was an issue and to pretty much do everything short of enlisting the aid of a proper fertility doctor (though not completely off the table yet). This past fall I had to stop. No more blood draws, no more clomid, no more almost weekly doctors appointments. It was time to try a more natural approach by way of learning my cycle and charting my days…and then I was introduced to OvaCue.

My OvaCue Betterhalfblogs

 This, my friends, is my OvaCue Fertility Monitor (snazzy pink polka-dotted carrying case not included). This little thing will change how you go through the process of trying to conceive. In short, OvaCue, through daily monitoring of the electrolyte levels in your saliva, will tell you the exact date of expected ovulation with a 98.3%  accuracy. AND if you are using the vaginal wand in addition to the oral monitor  you will get confirmation that you did ovulate. This is my favorite part, for some reason, it’s the same satisfaction that checking an item off your to-do list has…if you’re a wierdo awesome Type A like me.

So what does my typical day with OvaCue look like? Easy peasy. The only thing that ever is an issue is that I am in no way, not even a little bit, a morning person and you have to do the oral test before you brush your teeth or take your first sip of coffee. I have been known to forget to do it every now and then although I find that setting it next to my toothbrush helps to make sure I see it in the morning. And on setup day…well the brain isn’t always there. Setup day is what I call the day that I start using my monitor for the month, ideally this would be day 2 of your cycle but Ovacue says just by day 4 at the latest.

OvaCueSettings BetterHalfBlogs

This is my monitor when I set it up for the month just the other day. As you can see I am on a 30 day cycle and I started monitoring on day 3.

Ovacue Testing BetterHalfBlogs

And this sexy beast is me (sorry to disappoint all the eligible bachelors out there reading my parenting blog, but I’m taken). All you do to test it hit the “O” for oral (duh) and follow directions. It sits in your mouth for all of about 3-5 seconds and you’re done.

OvaCue Today BetterHalfBlogs

So here is my read out for day 3 of my cycle on February 10th…not fertile. And off I am to go about the rest of my day. It doesn’t get any easier than that. I do this every morning until I get ovulation confirmation. If you plan on doing vaginal monitoring (which I HIGHLY recommend) you start that on day 8 of your cycle. I do this when I go into my room, after coffee, while I’m changing into my clothes for the day or jumping in the shower. Just like the oral testing, you hit “V” for vaginal, follow directions and insert the wand for all of about 3-5 seconds and you’re done. Please forgive me if I don’t post photos of that…it’s not that kind of blog but you can see a photo of my wand in the first photo in this post.

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To give you an idea what an entire month looks like here is October in my monitor. It’s a little tough to see the difference in color but there is a slight difference between September 30th and October 1st, this tells me my chances of getting pregnant if I have intercourse on that day is slightly higher. Then come October 5th, you can clearly see it’s a darker blue which means it’s go time baby. The darkest blue on October 8th is my highest day and then October 9th turns pink which tells me that I did ovulate. After my pink day I stop testing till the next cycle.

There you have it! Like I said, easy peasy.

And if I can take a moment to talk to all the ladies out there who are where I am right now, and if you’re finally at the bottom of this long ass post I’m assuming you are. This isn’t the miracle that’s going to guarantee you a baby, it’s not how it works. What it is is another option in a world where there seems to not be enough options. I did the pee sticks, and while it was nice to get my ovulation narrowed down to a week, this blows that out of the water. Who wants to pee on a stick everyday? And I’m sorry, but lets be honest here, I am a busy, often exhausted woman so telling me around when I should be “doing it” with my husband is not good enough. I want to know exactly when I should be having sex, the. exact. day. I don’t have time or energy for anything else.

If you are interested in getting more information please check out OvaCue’s website for any information you may need and to see the range of other things that come in handy when you’re #TTC including basal thermometers and pee sticks along with a wide array of vitamin supplements and prenatals for both men and women to help with your getting knocked-up needs. (I was sent the prenatals and vitamins but I am super sensitive to any sort of medication so I can’t talk about those with any sort of intelligence. Sorry.) AND!! If you enter the coupon code BETTERHALFMOMMY you will get 10% off your order!

Disclosure and message: I was sent the monitor and supplements for the purpose of doing this review back in the fall. (Yes, I realize it’s now February and I’m barely getting to the actual review but I am nothing if not prompt.)  In the past 3 years I have worked with plenty of companies both in and out of the blogging world and I have to say that Fairhaven Health is, and has been, the best company I have ever been connected to. This type of thing is not like a vacuum or baby walker that you can say “this works” or “this doesn’t”, there are emotions and heart attached to the overall purpose of this product. So, I would like to say a huge THANK YOU to Fairhaven Health, especially Sarah (my contact person) for being so understanding, supportive and patient. In a world full of corporations where the customer is just a number or a nuisance, who doesn’t want to support a company with excellent customer service and care?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three years ago I hit publish for the first time…

Three years ago today on December 12th 2010 I hit “publish” for the very first time. It’s weird to think that, much less say it out loud.

Three years ago I just wanted to have a conversation with someone who’s butt I didn’t have to wipe in the next hour. It never occurred to me that some of those familiar names on my screen would become great personal friends and professional advocates IRL.

Three years ago I was excited to have a place to share my own hard discovered parental lifehacks. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that this personal internet space of mine would lead me to wonderful places like SheKnows.com, the front page of AOL and now a pretty cushy spot at WhatToExpect.com.

I used this blog as a way to sort through my pain after my miscarriage and it continues to be a place of refuge for me as we deal with continued failed attempts at getting pregnant.

Three years ago today I discovered I had a voice I never knew was there. And while I tease that the only people that actually read my posts are my mother-in-law, my mom and I, I know this is far from the truth (my mom never actually reads my blog).

So thank you to everyone out there who have so graciously given me a minute or two or your busy day. To all who have taken the time to comment a bit of encouragement or commiseration. To all who have been so kind as to never point out the fact that I have no idea what the difference between “:” and “;” is.

To all of you I say Thank You.

Cheers.

 

 

 

Trying to make people: Part Ugh

(Ed. note: I’m venting here. Just roll with it.)

I started writing this post about two months ago. It was dark and ugly and, well, I should have just posted it because sometimes that’s the truth behind the feelings you get when you try (and fail) at getting pregnant. Part of me really did want to hit publish but after rereading it all seemed so jumbled, like the ramblings of the lady that hangs outside 7-11 or a toddler after a donut.

I guess I needed more time to get my head together.

Around that time I had six friends- SIX!- give birth over a 2 week period. No lie. SIX! How does that even happen? Then 2 weeks after that 3 more announced they were pregnant on facebook. That night I told the handsome other half that these 3 friends of mine were expecting and his response was “I’m sorry honey” and suddenly I was that girl. 

I decided I needed a time out. A cease fire on my emotional well being. I took the month off. Like I took off everything having to do with babies (for the most part considering I still kept Audrey alive and never used the old headache trick). I packed away my OvaCue Fertility Monitor, no testing, no temps, no cervical mucus monitoring (eww), no calendars, no little hearts drawn around the expected date of ovulation on said calendar, no subsequent waiting and thinking every ache could be implantation pain… None. Of. It.

I feel like I’ve been pretty careful not to come off as a giant ungrateful “B”, and unless you follow me on Facebook, you would hardly even know all this is going on, but in my head, ugh, it’s not pretty sometimes and I am definitely not proud. It’s really hard sometimes to not feel alone, regardless of super supportive family members and a husband willing to do whatever you need him to. It’s hard not to feel like you’re the only barren womb on the block with all the bellies and babies everywhere you go. What I wouldn’t give to be exhausted with vomit on my shirt.

Recently I came across a post by Amy from Carriage Before Marriage on Huffington Post where she so accurately describes the everyday aches and pains of Secondary Infertility. The wanting to give your child the best gift in the world; a sibling- and failing. The baby shit all over your house that is crowding up your precious storage space and yet you refuse to give it up. (Seriously, don’t touch my crib.) And the guilt over being so sad regardless of the precious little person you already have. It was the most spot on piece I have ever read regarding this crapity situation and I highly recommend you reading it because I don’t do it justice and it’s better written than the nonsense you’re reading now.

I know this feeling is just a phase because this is not like me. I am the one that annoys the crap out of my husband because of my ‘it could be worse!’ attitude, just ask him. I know it’s just the holidays and the fact that I’ve researched a million adorable ways to announce you’re expecting at Christmas (Christmas card! How freaking cute is that?). And I know that God has a plan for me and my family. Everything in His time and all that.

My head knows all of this, just please explain it to my heart.

(PS, I am back on the fertility monitoring phase so stay tuned for the next edition of Trying To Make People where I show step-by-step how to use this handy little device.

 

Who?

Who?

What is it with husbands (and men in general) not being physically able to capture and comprehend to what we say? I mean, I thought for awhile it was just my husband or that what I was saying wasn’t as interesting as whatever was going on inside his pretty little head but apparently it’s become an epidemic among male spouses that needs to be addressed.

Better Half Blogs Marriage

It came to my attention recently in a Geico commercial that was all too familiar to me. You know the one. Two owls are having a conversation. The lady owl says something to the man owl about her friend from work and all he says is “Who?”. She reminds him of her friend whom she has apparenrly mentioned a million times before (as per usual) and he responds once again with “Who?”. At that point she looks like she a third “who” away from punting him out of her tree.

I feel you, kindred owl spirit.

I don’t even get it though. I hear everything. I hear crap I wish I hadn’t heard. Not only that, I remember even more. I can also make dinner, discipline the child, feed the dogs and still recall everything about the conversation had while doing all of this about the topic I could have really cared less about.

It’s called LOVE people. Love and apparently a uterus because I have yet to meet a man, or a woman with a man, who can replicate this incredible feat. Just reading that makes me feel the need to wear a cape on a daily basis.

I have learned to adjust to this shortcoming in my life mate. If he has anything in his hand from his iPhone to an actual apple, I just don’t do it. If he has just walked in the door, I bide my time. If he is watching TV, especially any sport having to do with any of the three major balls (ie. foot, base, or soccer), it’s a no-go on the hi-yo.

Timing is everything people.

But it’s good to know that I’m not alone. Just being aware that I am part of a larger more ignored community makes me feel somehow less stabby.

And I would tell my husband about my new found understanding but chances are he wouldn’t hear me anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lesson of the week: When parenting sucks, suck it up

Lesson of the week: When parenting sucks, suck it up

sick 1

There really is nothing worse than having a sick child, really nothing. They hurt, cry and beg you to help them make it go away and all you can really do is comfort them until it gets better. We are lucky in that Audrey is probably one of the heartiest and healthiest kids around. I attribute this boost in immunity to the fact that she sucks her (often disgusting) thumb. Although I always have sanitizer on hand I rarely make it to her (while running and screaming in a slow-motion NOOO!!!) before the thumb goes from the grocery store cart straight into the mouth.

Bleah.

Whatever the reason, we are always thankful of the fact that she has, at worst, had a mild cold in the 3 and half years on this planet… that is, until now.

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So here we are, day six on sick kid watch and I. Am. Over. It. I know I’m a jerk for complaining when she is the one who is sick (poor thing) but indulge me for a second, I’m tired. Since the onset of the plague I have moved from my bed to the guest room so that I can comfort her around the clock like a good mom. When she in not literally lying on me, which is how she has spent the majority of the last 5 days, she will be lying in my bed  bogarting my iPad and Netflix account.

In the past few days I have been summoned across the house for things like “I have burgers (boogers)”, “my show is over”, “I don’t like this show anymore”, “or this one”, “this one neither” (not being able to find something to watch has been an annoying theme), and “I’m lying down”. This is not “I need to lie down” or “I am having trouble lying down” but that she is physically in the horizontal position and just wanted to let me know.

But my personal favorite was when I did a mad sprint across the house to a crying child thinking a limb had spontaneously flew off her body only to hear, “Can you hand me my juice please?” The juice in question was six inches away from her.

Tylenol, Motrin & iPad

Tylenol, Motrin & iPad

As of now we are on the mend and the plague turned out to be croup.

I may complain to you (and my poor husband) but I would never let her know that. I may be at my wits end but I will always be there with a tissue (or my sleeve) ready and available. I may be blind with exhaustion but there will be a pep in my step when I come’a runnin with her juice…again for the 70 billionth time. And I will always always always make time in my schedule for snuggling.

Even if that does mean I will be next on the plagues hit list.

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Trying to make people with OvaCue: Part 1

My title says “part one” but if you’ve been following the story, there have been many parts before this. This is just where I start the first part of this part of the journey and, in turn, share it with you.

I have started many a blog post by saying “parenting is hard” but now I’m going to change my tune and say “making people to parent is hard”, because it is, despite what that chick with 19 kids has to say. Even before Audrey had turned 2 we started the conversation about having another child but I had worried about having them too close in age as I value my sanity and sleep, so we waited. Two days after Audrey turned two, in March 2012, I was at my OB/GYN “pulling the goalie” and away we went.

It didn’t take long to see the fruits of our labor as we found ourselves staring at 2 blue lines in June that same year. But our joy was to be cut short by a miscarriage and D&C that August. Since then I have gone month after month staring at negative pregnancy tests. Then at the beginning of this year I finally consulted my doctor about going on Clomid, a popularly prescribed fertility drug. My doctor agreed that this would be a good route for us to try, however, due to my age (36! Where’s my mobility scooter?!), they would only be giving me 2 months. Those months came and went and I fought for more, which was granted. (I can be pretty convincing, just ask DirecTV.) More months came and went, with the same sad result.

In the mean time, I did everything I was supposed to do; I drank lots of water, took my vitamins, carefully charted my cycle with pinpoint accuracy, allowed the doctor to essentially drain me dry of blood every month for testing purposes and forced my husband to adhere to a very strict, ahem, “private time” schedule. (If the words “timed intercourse” doesn’t get you all hot and bothered, then I’m sorry but nothing will.) Then there was the time I had to take Audrey with me to have an INTERNAL sonogram. I don’t recommend that.

Now here we are, a year and a half later, with nothing to show for it except for about 7 extra pounds (thanks Clomid) and more knowledge about cervical mucus than should be allowed. But I’m not done, and I’m not giving up either. We decided a long time ago that if it comes to the IUI or IVF, we would just hang up the towel. I don’t think I’m ready to put my family through that, emotionally or financially, or my body as I was already a commercial-crying basket case from the crap I was on.

So now on to this part. I have opted to forego anymore fertility drugs, or the start of any treatments, and try a more natural approach. I have teamed up with OvaCue, a company that makes a wonderful top-of-the-line electronic fertility monitor, in hopes of conceiving the more natural way. Along the journey I will blog about how it’s going and what I generally think about the process. (If you have specific questions, please message me and I will be sure to address them in my follow-ups.)

I get it, I’m not the spring chicken I once was but Hello! Halle Berry! I can’t be the only one over 35 who is wanting to have another child without putting their family in debt. So here’s to us; the crusty, the dusty, and the not-yet-ready-to-be-put-out-to-pasture. Let’s do this!

Cheers.

 

 

 

[UPDATED!] Local: The Highs and Lows of Baby Town

[UPDATE] After publishing this post I was contacted personally by the owners of Baby Town for a little clarification on my post, which I love love love. I was wrong in that this store is not big box and is, in fact, family owned. Yay! And they have just opened and have yet to get training which will be on-going for their staff. Double yay! Thank you Baby Town for addressing this and your commitment to doing what is best for families in the Valley. The following is their statement in full:

“Nicole, thanks so much for visiting Baby Town. We just soft opened 2 weeks ago, and we’re still trying to get all our staff trained on 200+ brands and 11k products in our store before we grand open so that we can better earn our customers’ business in the future. We’ve come a long way since day one, but I showed your post to all our employees to remind ourselves how much more we still need to work to get to where we should be. 

On another note, we’re not a big box store even though our store may look like one. There were other small stores called “Baby Town” but they are not affiliated with us (I think they’re all closed now). This store belongs to my wife and me. It’s our first venture into brick & mortar retail, and we are passionate about serving our community of new parents to the best of our ability.

I hope we will have an opportunity to earn your business in the future.”

Say you walk into a grocery store, a store made completely to provide you with their specialty and expertise, which is groceries, and you want some tomatoes. You walk over to the tomatoes, and the person working the tomato department, only to find out said tomato specialist knows nothing about tomatoes or tomato handling. They answer questions like “What are some ways to prepare tomatoes?” by throwing a tomato on the floor and stepping on it saying “kinda like this”. Would you trust their knowledge or consider patronizing their store for your future tomato purchases?

Now imagine this same scenario only this time tomatoes are replaced with something that is directly connected with the safety of your child. What about then? At that point would you trust what they have to say about a teddy bear? This is the situation I was in this weekend when I went to go check out a new giant baby depot type store that had just opened in my area, Baby Town.

Doing what I do, writing here and for WhatToExpect.com, there is a certain expectation that I will sometimes know what the hell I’m talking about. Not often, but sometimes. Because of this I like to get out and touch, try, pull, push and basically get my grubby little hands all over the latest and greatest in the baby gear industry. This weekend my three year old sent me on a magical quest to find a unicorn (no really) so I figured this would be an opportunity to kill three birds with one shopping trip: check out the Bee, check out the new store, and buy a damn unicorn.

Upon walking into this big, beautiful, and most importantly, closer to me than the local Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby, I was greeted with smiley welcoming faces and the smell of new paint. Ahh…so far so good. The store was packed to the rafters with wonderful brands like Zutano and L’oved Baby and row after row was clean, neatly organized and well stocked. As I wandered around, soaking in the wonderfulness, more than a few helpful people wanting to assist me on the unicorn quest approached me.

Then I got to my favorite section: strollers and car seats. Wow, I wasn’t disappointed here. This section was well stocked and there was no shortage of fun things to touch. My eyes and hands first wandered to the new Maxi-Cosi Prezi in the beautiful teal color. Since I was already familiar with the car seat specs from seeing it online, I was completely sold after checking the weight, design and the softness of the beautiful and bright fabric. This will definitely be added to my list of recommendations in the future.

As I am walking around, touching and pushing, I was approached by 3 people asking if they could help and just so that I’m completely transparent here, I did tell them that I was a parenting writer and I was just wanting to check out some of their products for recommendation purposes. I wasn’t acting as a secret shopper, or trying to trap anyone into saying anything they wouldn’t normally, but I did want to be honest as to why I was groping all the goods. This may not be how some people do it, but it’s how I do it.

Lastly I finally got my hands on the Bugaboo Bee and it was obviously glorious because, hello, it’s Bugaboo. I know there are people out there that say as stroller is a stroller. You put the kid in and shove them around, what’s the big deal? These people have obviously never bumped a Bee. From the color to the design to the fabric, it’s high end all the way. (PS, probably my favorite stroller for toddlers.) And then this is where we went downhill….

Me: So can you show me the fold on the bee?

Sales Person 1: Sure! ::folding:: 

Me: Wow, that’s easy! And I do I unfold it?

Sales Person 1: Well, that’s the hard part. I can’t really do it. I’ve been having issues with it all day. I can never get it to work. I think it’s a manufacturer issue.

She then proceeded to grunt, fight and struggle with the stroller for a while until someone else had to come and help her. Next I make the mistake of asking this question:

Me: So I know the seat reverses, can you show me how that works?

This is when it got fun. SP1 and SP2 take the seat off, turn it around and proceed to have no idea what they are doing. It’s collapsing on itself, they are sweating, all the while trying to save face by blaming the manufacturer for the issue. Finally a third person steps in and I started looking around for cameras because this had to be a joke. At one point the seat is clicked on one side, not the other, it’s lopped sided and unconvincing and SP2 says “Well, it’s something like this when it’s done”. Okay, I’ll take your word for it.

I finally had to walk away because I didn’t have all day to watch three adults get out-smarted by a stroller, I’m still not even sure they ever got the seat back on. On my way out SP1 was showing the stellar auto fold and unfold of the 4Moms Origami (another one of my dream strollers) to a family, I mentioned how much I love this particular stroller and pointed out some of the awesome features (like the cell phone charger and LCD display, to name a few). This is when she decided to tell me, in front of potential buyers, “Yeah, I’m having the hardest time selling this one because of the price point.” Not surprisingly the potential buyers all walked away about a second and a half after that. It was all I could do to not bang on head on the nearest wall.

So here is my issue: we are not talking about tomatoes here, we are talking about products that are designed for securing the safety of our children but are being sold by people that have no idea what they’re talking about. (Now this wasn’t all that transpired on this particular trip, if I were to go into every detail you would get bored and never read my blog again, just trust me on this.) It was overwhelmingly obvious that these poor people had no training in the use and handling of any of these very expensive big ticket items. Up until this point I loved this store and because of that, and selfishly how close it is to my house, I really want them to succeed. With a little training and guidance I am 100% sure this store will, deservingly, be a place for moms and dads to get all that their babies need.

And just in case you were wondering, we never did find the unicorn. (But that’s not Baby Town’s fault as much as the 3 foot unicorn snob I live with.)

 

 

Losing faith in humanity, one sale item at a time…

Have you ever wondered about the ridiculousness and stupidity of the people in your surrounding area? Try selling something on a virtual yard sale or Craigslist site. The crazies, they come-a runnin’.

Recently I have been on a mission to rid and clean and de-clutter the house. From the pantry to the playroom, I am gutting it all. The idea came from the discovery of the Facebook yard sale sites. If you aren’t familiar with these little gems, they work like craigslist, only a little more niche, and are supposed to weed out the idiots, flakes, and weirdos since they are invite only pages.

Among the gems I found to sell was a chocolate fountain that was never used, never taken out of the box, surely someone out there would love this and give it a happier home than mine. Upon listing it I was mobbed by “interested!” and “I want it!” Ended up holding it for 2 weeks for someone, the day finally comes, she is getting ready to leave her house to come pick up her party-in-a-box only to finally realize where my home was and that it was too far for her to go for such trivial things.

Um, excuse me?

The next comes my favorite, lets call him “pool table guy”, or PTG for short. The following is my actual listing:

8′ Olhausen Pool Table, purchased from Diamondback Billards. Selling with beautiful wood wall rack, balls, sticks and chalk. Rarely used. $1500obo

PTG: Would you take payments?

Me: Possibly. I would expect at least $500 down then the rest in a timely manner. I would even help with finding a mover for the table when paid in full. The wall rack alone is a few hundred dollars.

PTG: What’s ur location?

Me: [redacted] and [redacted].

PTG: Lol never mind I’m in Phoenix Arizona

***Ed. note: My location is AT MOST 30 minutes away from PTG

Me: Well let me know if you change your mind. It’s not that far if it’s worth it to you.

PTG: No I just don’t feel comfortable sending someone I don’t know 500 dollars who live out in the [redacted]

Me: I totally understand. If you change your mind and want to come look at it, let me know.

PTG: How am I gonna go look at it, I don’t have money to be travling just to see a pool table

And scene.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go bang my head against a wall.

 

Scary Mommy Giveaway!

Scary Mommy Giveaway!

It’s no secret that Jill Smokler and I are BFF’s. I mean seariously, if we weren’t would I have this photo?

I love you more. No, I love YOU more.

I love you more. No, I love YOU more.

If you know anything about body language you can clearly see that we are just hours away from matching tattoos and BFF charm necklaces.

Okay, so that’s not entirely true. I may, or may not, have run up to her like a 15 year old Belieber, gushed and giggled and asked for a photo. All while probably touching her entirely too much and then running away swearing never to wash that side of my face ever again. I’m not exactly sure, I had a lot of coffee that day.

Regardless, the details aren’t important. The point is I’m a huge fan, as are thousands of other moms that make up her extremely huge readership.

Jill, and her little corner of the internet, have hit a chord with moms like me and it’s easy to see why. It’s funny, it’s entertaining, it’s often heartbreaking…it’s real life parenting. The yelling, the gross, and the parts we are not proud of. More often than I’m proud to admit, I find myself looking to the confessional, on those especially difficult days, and saying “well, I haven’t done that yet, so I’ll consider the day a win”.

Well I am happy to announce to you (if you weren’t already aware) that the lovely Jill has written her SECOND book and it’s exactly what you would think with a title like Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies). Just in case you are wondering what type of awesome is in this book I have featured a few of my favorite excerpts for you.

Motherhood2

From LIE #19: BEING HOME WITH YOUR KIDS WILL BE THE MOST FULFILLING JOB    

“If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that staying home with my kids would be the most fulfilling job I’d ever have, I’d hire a really good hit man to kill all of those f***ing liars.”

“What’s for dinner? DINNER? What, I’m your personal chef, too? Seriously? I had a bowl of cereal. It was delicious.”

“I have many friends who consider themselves SAHMs. But the reality is, most of them have hobbies or a side gig selling jewelry or body creams online. Even the littlest job or hobby gives them an identy other than simply Mommy. And that’s really, really important.”

From LIE #21: YOU WILL SUCCUMB TO SENTIMENTALITY

“It’s a tough situation to find yourself in, suddenly facing your very own Sophie’s Choice: your children’s feeings or your sanity. I remember the moment I made the choice myself, swimming in piles of the kids’ artwork as I tried to organize our files. It was then and there that I decided there had to be a better way. There had to be a compromise. And so began my career as a selective curator of kids’ shit.”

If you’re interested in seeing Jill Smokler on her book tour check here for dates and locations. If she was coming to Arizona, I would be all over that. Restraining order be dammed.

This book is full of wonderful and I am recommending it so much that I would like to give you, dear reader, a free copy of your own! Good luck!
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