The 10 Commandments of Mommy Blogging

There are certain laws one must abide by when blogging. I am here to hold your hand and help you navigate the seedy underworld of mommy blogging….starting now with…

The 10 Commandments of Mommy Blogging

I
You shall have one and only one format. Be it WordPress or Blogger. Choose wisely, because it’s a pain in the ass to change it later.

II
Thou shall learn proper social media etiquette. Your recent stroll down memory lane which resulted in my Facebook time line being hijacked by Mili Vanilli and Criss Cross videos got you hidden (and lucky for you not unfriended) and now I will never see anything you post of substance. This goes for the time you had to RT every #FF you got on that one day when you got a lot (people still do #FF?). I could keep going but you get the gist of what I’m saying here. 

III
You shall remember that becoming a good writer and garnering a large following takes time. I’m sure even The Pioneer Woman and Dooce have written crap they aren’t all too proud of. But keep plugging away, one day you’ll find your voice.

IV
You shall remember that being a “mom blogger” means being a “mom” first. Yes, you said something funny on Facebook that you later Tweeted but don’t worry, you can check how many Likes and RT’s you got after bath time.

V
Honor and respect the hard work of the bloggers that came before you and blog along side you. There is enough room on the Internet for all of us. Pulling that bitchy  mom-on-mom shit will do the opposite of what you want it to. This isn’t high school.

VI
Thou shall stand for something. This isn’t a competition to see who can have the most GFC followers. Be about something even if that something is really nothing, to anyone but you. Write what you know and the like-minded will come to you. Not everyone needs to be the “giveaway” or “snark” queen. Just be you and that will be enough.

VII
Thou shall not steal anothers content. Do I really need to expand on this one? I haven’t experienced this first hand because I write drivel that nobody wants to steal, but I know people that have and it sucks. 

VIII
Thou shall not be a bitch. Yes you. It takes all types of moms to make this world go round. I had a c-section, didn’t cloth diaper, hardly breastfed and rarely buy organic, what of it? You don’t have to keep your opinions to your self, that’s what your blog is for, I just don’t need you getting all pious from your safe spot behind your @ symbol on Twitter. Whatever floats your family boat, as long as you’re not raising the next person to break into my car.

IX
Thou shall not bear false witness against the free crap you were given and asked to write a post about. If it sucks, say it sucks. Fluffing up the sippy cup the spilled all over your car in hopes of getting more crappy sippy cups will definitely get you more sippy cups (at first)…but it will also get you less respect, which will get you less readers, which will get you less (you guess it) free crappy sippy cups.

X
You shall not covet thy fellow bloggers layout, buttons, headers, banners, logo, Twitter name, or anything else that doesn’t belong to you. This goes for stealing too. People pay good money for that shit. You want it, pay for it too. 


Have something to add? I’m all ears. 

It’s Mommalogue time again and this time it’s a doozy…

This is what happens when you take you kid to work at SheKnows.com. They decorate her.

Am I the only one who has a Holiday Hangover? I’m tired, my family is gone so i’m lonely and I took all my decorations down so my house is so ‘uncheery’.

Christmas Day 2011

I hate January. On top of the HH, all I can think about is doing my taxes. I’m a lot of fun, can you tell?

December came and went with a flash, especially since we have a toddler running around. Just keeping the tree intact was a feat in of itself. Presents, wrapping papers…it was all a red and green blur.

I learned something of myself, and please tell me if you are like this too, but I am ANNOYING when I have guests. I can fully admit this, I am big enough of a woman.

I can’t tell you how many times I shusshed people for talking too loud (I come from the worlds LOUDEST family AND I have all wood floors in a house that loves to echo) when the baby was napping and graned every time people ate (I also come from the worlds MESSIEST family).

I’m surprised people keep something back to visit us. I need to drink more and relax. It’s just crumbs and the kid can sleep through an air raid drill. What exactly is my major malfunction?

Well, like I said, the holidays are over and on to prepare for 2012.

Apparently it’s the end of the world. Let’s all start hoarding ammo and bottled water.

There are some bat shit crazy people out there who believe this crap. Am I afraid? Yes. But I am afraid of them. I told Rutherford that we are not leaving our house that entire week.

He told me that he doesn’t think that anyone is going to come into our little lake community with perfectly manicured lawns and SUV’s in the driveway.

Hey you never know, right? The ducks could go nuts or the soccer mom down the road could sudden fall off her nut.

It could happen you know.

If you need ammo or bottled water, you know where to look.

The other big news here in the Yontz house is that Audrey is deep in the throws of the terrible twos. Fun. The other day I had my first major public meltdown and I started drinking again. (Okay, well I never stopped drinking but you know what I mean.)

Audrey took out an entire display of shoes at Sketchers while screaming NO NO NO.

All I could think is that if I can’t handle this kid at 2 I am royally effed in 10 years.

And I cried.

Like really cried and my lovely husband told me not to freak out becasue if I freak out, he’s going to freak out and that doesn’t help anyone involved. He also told me that i’m a great mom and reassured me that we’re not going to end up on Dr.Phil one day.

I was finally able to breath again and regroup. I bought a back yard climber on Craigslist and now I toss her outside to run around to her little hearts content and now so too tired to terrorize me.

Problem solved…so far.

We’ve also had a big week on the Mommalogues. We got ourselves a real live celebrity ya’ll.

Miss DJ Tanner herself, Candace Cameron Bure is now on the Mommalogue panel. She will be posting 3 times a week on all the things we chat about.

And am I the only one who still thinks her brother is dreamy? I want to ask if I can go over to play at her house after school so I can bump into him in the kitchen.

And now our weekly wrap-up:

On Monday we talked about what we are looking forward to the most in 2012. Well, besides baracading myself into my house while harding ammo and bottled water, I am looking forward to an addition to my family. Watch my video and see exactly what I’m talking about HERE.

Tuesday we talked education for our kids. Audrey is almost 2 and already I am getting asked about what school she’s wait listed at and all that goes along with that. Really? She’s 2 people. But since people are asking, of course I start panicing. So now it’s schools, tuition, private vs. public, uniforms, 2 days a week, 3 days a week… my head is spinning. Was it always this difficult? Remember when the school closest to your house was where you were going? What happened to that? I need a drink. Watch this video HERE.

Wednesday we talked about every woman’s passion. Shoes. I love shoes, I really do. I mean, come on, I’m a girl right? It’s part of the job requirement. However, you wouldn’t know that I am such a shoe freak if you actually saw my feet at any given time. I’m either barefooted, in old Havayana flip flops or in running shoes. Apparently I just like to buy nice shoes to look at them, not to actually put on my feet. The problem is that I own tons of heels. Heels that I no longer wear because they A) make me taller than my husband and B) my current boss (aka Audrey) doesn’t require them to go with my uniform. So until he either grows or she changes the workplace dress code, the heels will stay in the closet. See this HERE.
Thursday, we’re talking hot topic alert. Breast feeding. For some reason the interwebs go balistic when you talk about this. I was actually a little nervous before this topic when life on the site. Was I going to be getting hate mail and death threats from “those moms”? So far, so good. Watch my video HERE and tell me what you think. Am I wrong? I can take it. 
On Friday we were asked what we thought the hardest part about being a mom was. Um, have a seat, this might take awhile. The hardest part about being a mom, for me, isn’t the day-to-day parenting. It was figuring out how to be a parent. The how, when, where, and why of being a mom is the part that still exhausts me. You would think it would be the day-to-day actual “doing” in parenting that would be the hard part. But in reality it was learning how to “do” to begin with that drained me the most. Maybe that’s why the 2nd child is supposed to be easier than the first. Or at lease that’s what I hear. I’ll let you know when I get there. Watch HERE.
So there you have it. What do you think of this weeks topics and answers? How are you planning on dealing with all the crazy asses in the world this year? Do we bother paying our taxes since the world is going to end. Do you think the IRS will take that as an answer?