I’m raising a criminal

I’m raising a criminal

(Name of specific grocery store withheld in order to protect the un-innocent. Is un-innocent even a word? If it isn’t, it should be.)

It’s happened, every parents worse fear. My child has embarked on a life of crime.

And aside from aiding and abedding this criminal, I was also an unwitting accomplace.

Lock us up.

Yesterday was grocery day in the Yontz house and often times I let Audrey help me “hold” various things in order to keep her quiet, or at the very least, keep the noise leve to a low roar. (You’re welcome fellow shoppers.)

But yesterday she took her assistance to a whole new level. I got all checked out, bags loaded up in the cart, off to the car I go.  I get everything in the trunk of my car and as I pick up Audrey to put her in her carseat…I find them.

Exhibit A, B & C.

STOLEN OBJECTS! Audrey STOLE stuff. She hid them under her woobie in the cart and they were not paid for upon check out. Where did I go wrong with this child? What’s next, car stereos and nose rings?

In her defense, she’s 2 so i’m sure the crime was purely unintentional. I’m also sure she wasn’t really hiding them under the woobie but merely placed them next to her and happened to just throw her woobie over them, but still…

(Side note, good thing her father is an attorney. Save us on legal fees in the future.)

It gets worse though. Upon finding her stash I was torn. Do I go back inside and pay OR get in to the car and go home. Keep in mind that going back into the store isn’t as easy as it sounds since we live in Arizona and it’s already hot here. Leaving the grocery bags in the car isn’t an option so I’d have to put everything back into the cart to return to the crowded store.

It’s probably not going to be a huge surprise to any of you that I just put her in the car and went home. It was hot and I had to get home to start googling boarding schools. I did however say a prayer to Jesus on the way home appologizing for my child breaking one of the 10 commandments and promised him that I will, from now on, be frisking her upon checkout. Amen.

Can you IMAGINE if I had gotten caught? Picture me walking out of the store, alarms go off, security throws me on the floor, pulling out the good screaming, “A-HA! Just as I suspected! Sargento! She’s likes the good stuff boys, CUFF HER!” I mean seriously, I’m one of those people who hears the door alarms go off in stores and I immediately frisk myself to make sure it’s not me. I already have a guilty conscience so this isn’t going to help.

This whole mom gig get’s more and more interesting by the day. Last week she told me “That cool Mommy”. She’s 2! Does anyone else have a criminal in the family? What would you have done if you were me?